Worst I Ever Bombed: Bill Burr

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Published on December 16, 2015

Bill Burr shares how he once had to perform stand-up in a college cafeteria during the middle of the day.

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12 comments

  • o.0 4 years ago

    FIRST

    Reply
  • Ben Johnson 4 years ago

    .27 seconds late

    Reply
  • Sammy Smith 4 years ago

    SECOND

    Reply
  • Greg C 4 years ago

    10/10 awesome dude

    Reply
  • laura n 4 years ago

    Jimmy Fallon is my high mileage crush!

    Reply
  • HarryPotter Forever 4 years ago

    <3

    Reply
  • root9065 4 years ago

    Just a humble great comedian. Easily in my top 3. Love you Bill.

    Reply
  • Muddy Boots 4 years ago

    I love Bill burr

    Reply
  • Jack1234567890 4 years ago

    If your lower jaw moves from side to side—and you grind and chew your
    food—then you are unequivocally herbivorous. The jaws of
    carnivores/omnivores only move up and down, vertically. They don’t chew;
    they just rip and swallow. Humans sweat through their pores to cool
    down. We don’t pant like dogs, cats or lions to cool ourselves down.
    There are no claws on the human hand either, although claws are a
    trademark of the carnivore/omnivore. When we drive down the highway and
    spot a dead animal on the side of the road, I’m quite sure people don’t
    get excited, start to salivate, come to a screeching halt, jump out of
    their car, scare the crows away and start munching on the dead animal.
    Real carnivores/omnivores eat dead, rotting animals on the side of the
    road. We always cook meat before eating it, even though lions don’t have
    gazelle barbeques in the jungles of Africa.

    To prove beyond a reasonable doubt that humans are herbivores,
    allow me to paraphrase author Harvey Diamond’s challenge: Place a
    two-year old child in a crib with a bunny rabbit and an apple. If the
    child eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, then I’ll eat a steak
    sandwich that’s been dipped in ice cream! Humans have no
    carnivorous/omnivorous instincts whatsoever when we’re born, young and
    growing up.
    There isn’t a speck of carnivorism nor an iota of omnivorism in us.
    People become inured to the taste of blood, flesh, veins, muscles,
    tendons, cow secretions [milk], hen-ass droppings [eggs] and bee vomit
    [honey] after they’re forced down our throats during childhood.

    With all this physiological evidence at hand, one might wonder why
    many physiologists and evolutionary biologists—even the most brilliant
    and widely-renowned evolutionary biologists such as Richard
    Dawkins—would continue to indulge their addiction to meat, dairy
    products and eggs, and publicly rationalize their addiction in ways that
    wouldn’t do justice to a 13-year-old. The answer is simple and
    clear-cut: Scientists are human, and because humans are fallible and
    weak, they fall prey to addictions of all kinds. And when that happens,
    the rational mind, supposedly invoked to combat the addiction, usually
    falls by the wayside. It is only when the addict brings what he feels
    into accord with what he knows, his ethics into accord with the
    scientific facts, and the contents of his stomach into accord with the
    contents of his rational brain, that he can break the cycle of addiction
    that envelops and destroys him.

    Reply
  • MrKockNoker 4 years ago

    All legends suck at some point.

    Reply
  • Blessing Degoh 4 years ago

    14th

    Reply
  • john fru 4 years ago

    Billy redface on the tonight show? Oh Jeeshus

    Reply

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