Much like in the popular vote, Donald Trump finished second in the ‘Time’ Person of the Year issue.
I am early
Hi everybody ✌🏻
Split monologues, forced subscribe bombs for the outro. Colbert, you’re a funny fuck, aren’t you…
The orange moron is the asshole of the year.
i watch this show daily…… I’m in India almost half way across the world.. Its still funny
*_Danbury Federal Penitentiary — Processing — August 4, 2018_* “Excuse me, do you have any jumpsuits besides these orange ones? I find the color really clashes with my skin tone. My son Don and son-in-law Jared got jumpsuits with the black and white stripes… ya know, like The Hamburglar. They’re much nicer outfits, although the horizontal stripes are just not flattering to a bigly fella like myself, believe me.
Also, do they have Mexicans at this prison? I may have said an unflattering thing or two to those folks, so I’d really prefer a cell in your non-Mexican wing. Speaking of which, where can I buy a shiv? Do you sell those or do I have to have a guy make one for me? Actually, I’m considering coming out with a line of Trump Shivs. They’d be the most fantastic shivs — gold plated and whatnot. My daughter Ivanka told me there’s a factory in China that can crank ’em out for like 12 cents apiece, so the markup would just be tremendous. I’m trying to think of a clever slogan, but having a hard time finding a word that rhymes with ‘stabbings.’ _(pause)_ Maybe ‘grabbings’ — who knows, we’ll see.
Also, is it true that you don’t allow carts on your golf course, and that we have to walk and carry our own bags? You _do_ know, walking more than 30 feet is something only non-billionaires do, right? And I don’t think it’s even humanly possible for a person to _walk_ for a full 18 holes of golf — that’d be cruel and unusual punishment. I mean, I may be a convicted felon, but I am not an animal. Also, sir, are you gonna actually respond to any of these questions, or just ignore me and glare at me with that icy stare? _(pause)_ Geezus, you remind me of Melania.
Anyhoo, off to my cell. Ooh, and if I could get a wake-up call for 3 am that’d be fantastic — I like to start hate-tweeting bright and early. Oh, and could you have room service swing by with a cheeseburger, fries and a piece of chocolate cake with two scoops of ice cream… although, if you can only do _one_ scoop I totally understand… ya know, prison and all. _(pause)_ Gosh, you really do remind me of Melania. Any chance you could slap on a wig and swing by my… ya know what, never mind. Nighty night.” — _Former President Donald J. Trump_
A movement was person of the year? I guess my next bowel movement can make it next year.
Not the story I expected to hear involving Trump and the #MeToo movement
Who saw Stephen in YouTube rewind ahhhh
I’m sick and tired of only being seen as a sexual object.
In the sense that when I mention sex, people object.
Wait for Trump to tweet about how Time Magazine is fake news and all those ‘me too’ women are liars, and he will sue them all in court.
*2017* A great year of empowerment for women :’)
Please start adding numbers to the monologue parts!
Trump must b nervously going through the list to find if any of his victims r there
Sorry, but why is Senator Franken being held to a higher standard than our President (who has admitted to sexual assault)?
To be clear, Franken should resign…but not before Trump.
Trump thinks Person of the Year is some kind of competition but in reality Person of the Year is chosen based the impact a person (or in this case group of people) made on the world be it good or bad. Its why both peace activist and dictators have been made person of the year.
Guess who’s going to angry-poop-tweet this morning?
Does anybody believe Al Franken said “Its my right as an entertainer” ?
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