The Meatocalypse Has Arrived

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Published on October 28, 2015

Vegetarians are doing a victory lap after it was announced that hot dogs contain human DNA and all processed meats cause cancer, but Stephen has some bad news for them, too.

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99 comments

  • theshonen8899 4 years ago

    Look, I get it. A lot of vegetarians are smug assholes who I’d like to
    murder as much as the next guy. But I don’t think there is anything wrong
    with questioning the morality of battery cages and gestation crates.

    Reply
  • LehranLight 4 years ago

    We vegans and vegetarians should just declare war on meat eaters and get
    this over with.

    Reply
  • starlinguk 4 years ago

    Now I’m hungry and I don’t have any bacon in the house.

    Reply
  • hellsingmongrel 4 years ago

    This cracked me up SO HARD! XD GG, Stephen, GG.

    And to everyone throwing a fit in the comments, he wasn’t making fun of ALL
    vegans/vegetarians, he was making fun of the dipshits who point out how
    much better they are then you because they don’t eat meat, like their shit
    suddenly doesn’t stink. Meat eaters generally don’t give a shit what other
    people eat. It’s the smug, holier-then-thou attitude that gets thrown our
    way that makes us want to eat a bacon cheeseburger with double meat and
    three times the bacon while making you watch us just to spite you.

    Also, a lot of us DO know where our food comes from. I grew up in farm
    country. I made friends with goats and cows and horses and piggles. I and
    many people like me care about how our food is treated before it lands on
    our plate. When I can, I get humanely-raised meat and eggs and I know a lot
    of other people do, too.

    Reply
  • Dirk Roburn 4 years ago

    Im vegan and i found this funny but ive been telling everyone even my dumb
    vegan friends that they should eat raw and not that shitty processed food.
    I have all the science behind me.

    Reply
  • Jee B 4 years ago

    why are people keep saying meat is bad… when it’s actually the
    preservatives…

    Reply
  • dash.galaxy 4 years ago

    Stephen is brutal to everyone, damn.

    Reply
  • Finlay Rafferty 4 years ago

    As a vegetarian, I’m just honored that Stephen mentioned us.

    Reply
  • Digable Granites 4 years ago

    “When you see your fellow human being suffering it’s funny, but heaven
    forbid I eat a shrimp”

    I liked that line a lot. It feels like sometimes vegans forget that people
    matter as well as animals.

    However, I hate that having empathy for animals seems like just a big joke
    to everyone. The smug vegan stereotype is pretty universally accepted by
    everyone who isn’t one, but if you even jusgt happen to mention that you
    don’t eat meat people get defensive as fuck and just jump down your throat
    and assume you’re smug. I wonder if it’s because they feel a little guilt
    deep down.

    Reply
  • VoyagerAbove 4 years ago

    Yet again, people rely more on the sensationalist news and less on the
    actual research and science that they butcher nearly every time. Nobody
    looks into things before accepting them.

    Society fails at science. Can’t even google things. No wonder people drink
    fucking wheat grass.

    Reply
  • mis 4 years ago

    I’m a vegan.

    Reply
  • Semper Paratus 4 years ago

    Stephen is on fire!

    Reply
  • Unequivocally Humoured 4 years ago

    Im so happy rn, i could punch a vegetarian

    Reply
  • guitarguy84 4 years ago

    lol he burnt the shit out of his thumb

    Reply
  • Brandon Binder 4 years ago

    he’s the man

    Reply
  • Ruby Doobie 4 years ago

    0:40 He still says repore instead of report? Why?

    Reply
  • Adahop | 3D Printing - Gaming - Tutorials - Giveaways 4 years ago

    I’m with Stephen. Hell no am I going to stop eating red meat or processed
    meats!

    …I’m also allergic to legumes and poultry (and seafood half the time,
    plus a lot of other things) so most of my other protein options aren’t even
    options for me. Oh well…guess I’ll just have to eat all the bacon for you
    guys. ¯*(ツ)*/¯

    Reply
  • SwiftyLovesYou 4 years ago

    This dude smoked bacon.

    Reply
  • Martinez Julian (yahoo201027) 4 years ago

    score one for vegetarians

    Reply
  • InfernoFlameZERO 4 years ago

    Vegetarians are like those trolls from trolls 2

    Reply
  • Evan Theilman 4 years ago

    Well this is some Upton Sinclair stuff.

    Reply
  • Anne Vorre 4 years ago

    Did he try to say Schaudenfreude? He did good

    Reply
  • The Samurai Cop 4 years ago

    Fuck vegetarians. Thanks alot for eating all of those plants that produce
    oxygen so that all the things on the earth can survive. Just because they
    can’t move or show any emotion, plants are alive too. Get off your moral
    high horse, you planet murderers.

    Reply
  • maxx1mus1041 4 years ago

    colbert is the best. now give me my bacon

    Reply
  • Humberto Reyes 4 years ago

    #tofudogsarepeople

    Reply
  • Joe Mnk 4 years ago

    Whos going to try smokin bacon? lol
    BAcon JOe

    Reply
  • Fuji Fiasco 4 years ago

    Colbert is a Savage!

    Reply
  • MrJBleedge 4 years ago

    Whe he started smoking I was in tears :D

    Reply
  • Bakorafanboy13 4 years ago

    That ending though.
    Thank You Steven!!!
    (Stomp Stomp Stompstompstomp)

    Reply
  • Master Markus 4 years ago

    Pffffth…. Everything can cause cancer.

    Reply
  • Ringo Brat 4 years ago

    #smugvegetarian burns. thanks Stephen!

    Reply
  • Omar Guillen 4 years ago

    Tofu dogs are people!

    Reply
  • Brynjar Onsøien Rasmussen 4 years ago

    I’m eating a pizza with bacon and sausage. I feel good in my tummy

    Reply
  • Brady Snyder 4 years ago

    Actually, putting it in the same category as cigarettes and asbestos just
    means that the WHO is *as certain* that it has a chance of causing cancer
    as the other two. Cigarettes increase your chances of getting lung cancer
    by 2500%. Bacon, on the other hand, only increases your chance of colon
    cancer by 18%. Eighteen! That increases your lifetime chance of getting
    colorectal cancer from 5% to 6%.

    Reply
  • AdmiralPrice 4 years ago

    I haven’t seen Stephen this excited since. . .well. . .don’t touch a man’s
    bacon, I guess.

    Reply
  • T 4 years ago

    Sunlight can cause skin cancer so lets stop going outside.

    All jokes aside this was a brilliant segment!

    Reply
  • Angel Tibbs 4 years ago

    WHO is the same geniuses who are trying to treat vaping like it’s just the
    same as smoking, ticking off those smokers who have successfully escaped
    tobacco.Now, attacking bacon, they will tick off everybody but anemic
    vegans.Open up your eyes, folks. This is about controlling us, NOT our
    health. Stand together and reject the nannies.

    Reply
  • amadcarrot 4 years ago

    Sick fucks. Talk about cognitive dissonance. Smoking dead fresh of a once
    living being would be considered the act of a serial killer if it were your
    own species but is comedy here

    Reply
  • Daniel Maia 4 years ago

    Report is vague though, they say it COULD cause cancer and they say
    everything CAN cause cancer these days. I want to know what GIVES me cancer
    not what CAN.

    Reply
  • Cyberdemon11120 4 years ago

    I wish I could like/thumbs up this twice.

    Reply
  • Mudder Fukker 4 years ago

    Somewhere in a Colorado weed shop, there’s now a strain called “Bacon Kush”

    Reply
  • VoltageTHD 4 years ago

    We’re all going to die eventually, so might as well die deliciously.

    Reply
  • James Burney 4 years ago

    soylent dogs

    Reply
  • Cyberdemon11120 4 years ago

    Is it me or does everyone forget that most cancer causing substances are
    also vegan. Cigs, Edsbestos, Refined Sugar… this is the first time for
    meat to be even mentioned and the fact that meat MAY cause cancer is just a
    sad excuse for already cancerous vegans to get uppity because they have the
    money from not eating meat to pay for their cancer treatments… This last
    part is a joke and I’m not trying to be mean to cancer patients… by
    calling them vegan.

    Reply
  • - JJ4prez 4 years ago

    People been eating hot dogs, sausage and bacon for hundreds of years.
    Cancer free for most of them.

    Reply
  • Paul White 4 years ago

    I would like this a thousand times if I could.

    Reply
  • - JJ4prez 4 years ago

    Burnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

    Reply
  • The camel's back 4 years ago

    That was awesome

    Reply
  • Golden Popo 4 years ago

    aaaaaaahgahahahah.. hahahahahaa. aahahahahahahaha

    Reply
  • AbadonXXX 4 years ago

    >> I would be more concerned about where the DNA came from

    Reply
  • George Tarantino 4 years ago

    Does not matter,bacon is awesome!!

    Reply
  • RandHaf 4 years ago

    suck it veggies

    Reply
  • AEIIIStraigon 4 years ago

    It’s funny how how people suffering (from not eating meat) is equated to
    animals dying lol

    People are so fanatical about eating meat it’s pretty crazy.

    Reply
  • Erik the Vegan 4 years ago

    I’m starting to think Colbert is getting some extra money from the meat
    industry that pays for his commercials. Colbert is funny but he’s a a sold
    out ignorant fool! I hope he gets cancer just so he opens his eyes and
    changes his viewpoint on meat. He’s influencing a lot of people to be
    ignorant a holes

    Reply
  • David 4 years ago

    Stephen laughing at the his own script is hilarious

    Reply
  • Oliver Rikardsson 4 years ago

    holy shit that was the sickest bid yet

    Reply
  • L Doe 4 years ago

    Except most vegetarians don’t even eat fake meat…usually health conscious
    LA people do. 

    Reply
  • Vxvx Vxvx 4 years ago

    cancer is largely caused by genetics and obesity. but they won’t talk about
    this because it’s politically incorrect. fact is majority of people never
    get cancer. but policy these days always dictated to cater to the loudest
    minority.

    Reply
  • Kevin 4 years ago

    one of them workers there probably just spat in the big bowl as the snouts
    and anuses, or “ani,” I should say, was bein’ grounded up. quite disgusting
    if you think about it, then again, if you enjoy chowin down on pig snouts
    and asses a little homo sapien saliva shouldnt be too big a deal there

    Reply
  • Shane B 4 years ago

    Everybody should stop breathing, because the things in our air are linked
    to cancer.

    Reply
  • joegun525 4 years ago

    He looked awfully comfortable with that pipe

    Reply
  • payableondeath7 4 years ago

    Did they decide this in between this year’s annual flip-flop on how bad
    eggs are for us?

    Reply
  • Mitch Mac 4 years ago

    I hope people know that WHO did not at all say meat caused cancer…they
    said the opposite. read the actual report its two pages

    Reply
  • An Human 4 years ago

    brb buying vegetarian hot dogs.

    Reply
  • jkcyriac23 4 years ago

    That was amazing

    Reply
  • carschmn 4 years ago

    Stephen just created a new way to eat bacon.

    Reply
  • Linges Hels 4 years ago

    run for your lives people angry vegans are coming!!!!!!

    Reply
  • gothamcity29 4 years ago

    Stephen! Stephen! Stephen! Stephen! Stephen! Stephen!

    Reply
  • Mike Stavenes 4 years ago

    Eating meat makes bigger brains.

    Reply
  • adebrysi 4 years ago

    Boy he really skewered those vegetarians!

    Reply
  • Cora S 4 years ago

    Colbert is on the wrong side of history in this one…

    Reply
  • Jay Milligan 4 years ago

    Does it look like I know what a JPEG is….

    Reply
  • kururuguy 4 years ago

    There goes Epic Meal Time

    Reply
  • duchesswannabe 4 years ago

    what movie was he referencing in the end? i can’t remember the name…

    Reply
  • BuyAnAxe 4 years ago

    Hot Dougs was such a dad joke

    Reply
  • BuyAnAxe 4 years ago

    This guy just smoked bacon. What a great video.

    Reply
  • backdraftvideos 4 years ago

    He’s descending back into character…or ascending, maybe

    Reply
  • Kenneth Villanueva 4 years ago

    Hey vegetarians, didnt you learned from science class that plants are
    living organisms too? SAVE THE PLANTS EAT MEAT

    Reply
  • Ian Thornburg 4 years ago

    I don’t even need to scroll down into the comments to know that there’s
    gonna be a lot of butthurt and a lot of trolling, just have to go make some
    popcorn real quick

    Reply
  • Charlie Wheeler 4 years ago

    One of my favourite Colbert segments ever…

    Reply
  • Lukeor 4 years ago

    Dude, this was fucking funny.

    Reply
  • kuryamtl 4 years ago

    ohhhhh man the vegetarian hate in this video is strong……. lol

    Reply
  • Barb Bishop 4 years ago

    Obamas islamification satanism continues after bacon. Buying more bacon
    just cuz of this Stalinist bullshit propaganda.

    Reply
  • Emilio Aguirre 4 years ago

    Meat is flavor and life.

    Reply
  • Maria Lopez 4 years ago

    Yup, Fox59 news….haha

    Reply
  • Chris Comstock 4 years ago

    i think it’s sad that science says meat causes cancer and then everyone who
    eats meat talks shit to vegetarians. does this mean that the vegetarians
    are right and everyone else is wrong? if you are wrong you are wrong, don’t
    double down on it and show everyone how stupid you are by telling everyone
    that you don’t care and will still eat it until you die of cancer all
    early, my brother died of cancer at 24 and he ate whatever he wanted and i
    did my research on cancer and it makes me afraid to eat meat, cause its
    fucking bad for you!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  • Jacy Peck 4 years ago

    amazing! thank you stephen

    Reply
  • Paul Ramos 4 years ago

    Why can’t these myopic minded herbivores accept the ABSOLUTE FACT that
    HUMANS are OMNIVORES by evolution! MODERATION is the ABSOLUTE key for a
    healthy living. WAKE UP! (Grabs BACONATOR)

    Reply
  • Rick Taylor 4 years ago

    If you’re from Chicago, you know about Hot Doug’s.

    Reply
  • Susan B 4 years ago

    not just processed meat but red meat, too

    Reply
  • farhanking7861 4 years ago

    stephen colbert is a fucking genius

    Reply
  • Davey S 4 years ago

    Joke’s on you; vegetarians don’t eat vegetarian hot dogs. Fat meat eaters
    trying to be less fat eat vegetarian hot dogs. Stay mad you uncivilized
    barbaric carnivores

    Reply
  • DioOmicida 4 years ago

    He easts so much on his show.

    Reply
  • Opticillusion160 4 years ago

    I just realized i witnessed a late night talk show host smoke bacon through
    a pipe… what a fucking champ

    Reply
  • Vanessa Araújo 4 years ago

    The only good enough reason to stop eating meat is global warming. That’s
    the leading cause and we need to reduce our consumption, that’s all. But
    well, most people don’t care about the planet anyway and there are some
    idiots who even doubt global warming. I’ll be childless happily watching
    the childs of these bacon lovers drown :)

    Reply
  • Savvy Marino 4 years ago

    I would just like to point out that cured meats and poultry are a HAZARD
    not a RISK meaning that it is not the same likelihood as smoking or
    asbestos. What it means is that EXCESS consumption of it (I’m talking meat
    as like 90% of your diet here) is correlated with an increase in cancer.
    While smoking is a CAUSATION of an increase in cancer and therefor a RISK.
    Swimming in the ocean is a HAZARD because there could be sharks around.
    Swimming in a shark tank is a RISK.

    Reply
  • inkliizii 4 years ago

    I don’t eat vegetarian hot dogs. #smugvegetarian

    Reply
  • 77huss 4 years ago

    Soylent Green for real.

    Reply
  • Cody Slot 4 years ago

    If you eat meat your being hu$tled. also if you drink milk after being an
    infant..

    Reply

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