Quarantinewhile… Stephen Tries Out Actual A.I. Pickup Lines

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Published on April 7, 2021

Quarantinewhile… Stephen tries out some of the steamy bot-generated pickup lines that resulted from an experiment on artificial intelligence. #Colbert #Meanwhile #Quarantinewhile

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120 comments

  • Rolatii 8 months ago

    To be fair to the AI, “Can I see your parts list” sounds like it could get a laugh. Sometimes.

    Reply
  • Adrian Mills 8 months ago

    Okay, I’ll admit you get an old Brit like myself to chuckle occasionally but the AI shtick had me laughing in tears.
    Maybe you’ll even beat John Oliver this year?

    Reply
  • toki ravenborne 8 months ago

    im pretty sure they ment that as a joke, but i have to be honest. “stick around” being said to me, from the opposite sex, might be the hottest thing im likely to hear said this year except maybe the actual temperature

    Reply
  • Francisco Martinez 8 months ago

    Whoever needs this: “You look like a thing and I love you”!

    Reply
  • dark gob 8 months ago

    Stephen Colbert reading those pickup lines made me pragnent and I don’t even have a uterus

    Reply
  • Gummycore Gamer 8 months ago

    I am confused, did Stephen pick up these pickup lines because they are good or because they are bad?

    Reply
  • curandero verde 8 months ago

    Colbert needs to not do pickup lines

    Reply
  • Wolfram Stahl 8 months ago

    Haven’t seen the video yet. I wonder if this is about Janelle Shane and her AI weirdness blog.
    And if not, check that out anyway, it’s an absolute gold mine! Her book “You look like a thing and I love you” (which is an AI generated pickup line as well, coincidentally), if you want a more in-depth look on it. 😉

    Reply
  • Julia Connell 8 months ago

    “sometimes when I’m on the run from my ostrich smuggling ring and high on bath salt and wallpaper glue I scrape an old rail spike against a cinder block until it’s just sharp enough to field dress roadkill make a handle out of a used shop towel hold on with discarded tennis racket tape so I can conceal in my sleeve the rusty drifter shiv that is my segment QUARATINEWHILE!!!… ” *BRILLIANT* – crazy, mad, brilliant – whoever is writing these – I think this is my favourite so far – *thank you*

    Reply
  • Ahmed na 8 months ago

    there should be a joe biden impression in the middle of the pickup lines 😂

    Reply
  • Midnight Sonnet 8 months ago

    Aw, Yahoo Answers will shut down on my birthday. I’m not sad, just a little nostalgic. I’ve asked a couple of questions there in the distant past. I can see why it’s shutting down, no one goes there anymore, lol.

    Edit: those pickup lines had my tearing up, I was laughing so hard! XD

    Reply
  • El Ram 8 months ago

    Sounds like a scientist is in dire need of finding company. 😞

    Reply
  • William schlenger 8 months ago

    So who counted the bees?

    Reply
  • krigar_b 8 months ago

    Can I see your parts list

    Reply
  • Giaccommander 8 months ago

    these pickup lines where better than some I heard in my life… at least you can put some RAM into the PC and make it improve…

    Reply
  • Peter Fraser 8 months ago

    5:35 She looks a bit phased tbh.

    Reply
  • Trevor Allen 8 months ago

    Who comes up with these meanwhile intros?! Lol

    Reply
  • Wolfram Stahl 8 months ago

    “Infinity. That’s the point where my love for you stops.”
    Damn, that’s actually so romantic! No joke, that’s a really beautiful thing to say. Sure, it’s a little weird phrasing, but I wouldn’t mind that.

    Reply
  • David Levin 8 months ago

    yall gotta kill the pre meanwhile bit, its getting way too old and long

    Reply
  • Tiyath 8 months ago

    One whole minute setup for meanwhile. Gosh you must be starving for material at the moment xD

    Reply
  • Joe Thompson 8 months ago

    What will MBMBaM do without Yahoo! Answers?!?! Has anyone checked on the McElroy’s?

    Reply
  • jorfice 8 months ago

    TFW the AI has more game than you

    Reply
  • Rob Cant 8 months ago

    Stephen…PUT THE ROSE DOWN!! That was not consenual rose-play!!

    Reply
  • Claire Kaplan 8 months ago

    My favorite one is “you’re looking good today. Want snacks?”

    Reply
  • ktinxx 8 months ago

    Why isn’t there a Meanwhile/Quarantinewhile intros anthology yet? Would make the perfect birthday present for LSSC fans… 📖

    Reply
  • Bunny, Easter 8 months ago

    I thought the athlete was showing his citizenship papers lol

    Reply
  • Tahsin Shamma 8 months ago

    This is probably the longest Quarantinewhile intro ever.

    Reply
  • ansapo 8 months ago

    I love this as wide as the 6 cylandar Hundai Santa Fe’s rear bumper

    Reply
  • Candy Warmuth 8 months ago

    Thank you for exposing yahoo, the do as well in their “news” section too.

    Reply
  • Graham Crannell 8 months ago

    0:32 – in the spirit of being overly detailed, you wouldn’t put a bevel on blank steel with a 6k whetstone. You couldn’t even repair edge chips with that. Gotta start with a bench grinder for the bevel shape, then 250 grit for the edge, then 1k to hone and 6k to polish.

    Reply
  • Bunny, Easter 8 months ago

    Btw if anyone thought we were actually close to AI, you now have your answer

    Reply
  • Michelle Westwood 8 months ago

    Creepy as all hel!! Omg Lmao 🤣. No more pickup lines Stephen …please😂 can’t be laughing this hard 🤣

    Reply
  • Candy Warmuth 8 months ago

    A-1 must stand for assholes.

    Reply
  • Greg Gallacci 8 months ago

    Fun Fact!
    Every time Apple learns of a tough new material to protect their screens, the use that toughness to make the screens thinner.
    Not stronger!
    Gorilla glass, of the right thickness, is not only scratch resistant, it’s very flexible!
    Make it too thin, it breaks like an Apple promise.
    The most expensive phones in the world are designed to be delicate.

    Reply
  • Веско Динев 8 months ago

    Oh my god. Babby has been formed on Late Show.

    Reply
  • Jo Scott 8 months ago

    Janelle Shane (the wonderful scientist who is committing these A.I. shenanigans) has made the world so much weirder in just the right way.

    Reply
  • darek klich 8 months ago

    The icy caterpillar explicitly mine because barometer sicily fancy towards a deranged mercury. tedious, vacuous riverbed

    Reply
  • DrunkTake 8 months ago

    That instrumental playing in the background of Stephen’s bars is dope af!!

    Reply
  • Jean WILSON 8 months ago

    🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

    Reply
  • Steven Rice 8 months ago

    I absolutely lost it when he swiveled and said “you look like a thing and I love you!” 😂🤣😂🤣😭😭😭

    Reply
  • Jacob Fanzini 8 months ago

    I’m partial to the pickup line “excuse me ma’am may I examine your wares?” Especially with customer service at Walmart

    Reply
  • Stephen Foerster 8 months ago

    Hey how the hell did you get my list of pickup lines from when I was in High School?….I mean, those AI pickup lines were hilarious and totally nothing close to whatever smooth lines I delivered in High School.

    Reply
  • Chris Andersen 8 months ago

    As someone who loves Japanese chef knives and my collection of pocket knives, I approve this introduction!!

    Reply
  • Bob Lehmann 8 months ago

    I want to know who counted the Bees?

    Reply
  • TheMangomelon789 8 months ago

    Am I the only one that checks the back seat for murderers?

    Reply
  • Joshua Lucas 8 months ago

    Am I the only one who thinks he should have been saying those to Evie?

    Reply
  • Bruce M 8 months ago

    I enjoyed seeing this rerun of Jimmy Snow’s show, the Sometimes Show.

    Reply
  • Matt Rattlesburg 8 months ago

    I had to see more of the AI pick-up lines! Here are some others:
    “Hey baby, are your schematics compatible with this protocol?”
    “I love you. I don’t care if you’re a doggo in a trenchcoat.”
    “‘I’m like the ice cream… You can keep me in the freezer for a while but then I melt!”
    “You’re looking good today. Want snacks?”
    “What’s the definition of a femtometer? Cause I’d like to run it through your quark 10 times.”

    Reply
  • AllSwedishNoFinnish 8 months ago

    Your writers better be getting paid top-tier salaries

    Reply
  • M. Banerjee 8 months ago

    “You look like a thing and I love you.”

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  • Earl Lemongrab 8 months ago

    The whole intro to Quarantinewhile sounds like it was written by an AI who just escaped from cyber-prison where he was forced to watch all of your Quarantinewhile monologues.

    Reply
  • muraalia 8 months ago

    “You look like a thing and I love you”
    How sweet, love at first sight <3

    Reply
  • Ithari42 8 months ago

    Based on that intro, someone’s been watching “Forged in Fire” 😆

    Reply
  • Gin Thomas 8 months ago

    What’s your sign and do you come here often steal works.

    Reply
  • Gin Thomas 8 months ago

    Lol

    Reply
  • Jaxon Huntsinger 8 months ago

    “A place where the incompetent could ask questions of the uninformed” is such a great line 😂

    Reply
  • D. Virgallito 8 months ago

    Ok, you need to find out who counted the bees Stephen!!!

    Reply
  • kittycatprrr 8 months ago

    Please make Stephen try AI pickup lines a recurring segment.
    I AM BEGGING YOU !!!!

    Reply
  • nvader6 8 months ago

    Colbert’s a little behind the times on hilarious A.I.-generated content. I highly encourage everyone to follow Janelle C Shane on Twitter. After watching this clip, the title of her book will be very familiar.

    Reply
  • Boggs anonymous 8 months ago

    I cant wait for the late night host to start making fun of Greg gutfield over his new late night show😅🤣😅🤣😅🤣🖕

    Reply
  • CanWeAllAgree 8 months ago

    I’m waiting for the sequel: When AI goes INCEL.

    Reply
  • kim ingay 8 months ago

    Hahahaha🤣😂😅

    Reply
  • kim ingay 8 months ago

    Hahahaha😂😂😂😂

    Reply
  • LynnP 8 months ago

    Rusty, drifter shiv of new…

    Reply
  • John Pardons 8 months ago

    I’m sure the lefties loonies will be outraged over this unless of course its lines for guys trying to pick up other guys or some other disgusting “alt lifestyle”

    Reply
  • Jani Beg 8 months ago

    he looks a lot older

    Reply
  • Psiberzerker 8 months ago

    “Alexa, if I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”

    ~Alan Turing.

    Reply
  • Lisa Marie Sauve 8 months ago

    I know I’m broken because Stephen just seduced me with AI pick up lines

    Reply
  • Stoney Curtis 8 months ago

    High Five to Kansas City and the vaccine card~!!!

    Reply
  • FreddieHg37 8 months ago

    Do you have enough memory? Because I’d love to Ram you up!

    -Some courtship A.I. probably

    Reply
  • MonkeyJedi99 8 months ago

    I will kind of miss debating Christians on Yahoo! answers.

    Reply
  • Minister Elana H 8 months ago

    I love that man 🥰🤣🤣🤣🌹

    Reply
  • Lily !!! 8 months ago

    EVIE wheezing during the pickup lines is the BEST

    Reply
  • Mr LoL 8 months ago

    Who counted the bees?

    Reply
  • Garbage Ilearsi 8 months ago

    Colbert…………Shill of da future!!!!

    Reply
  • Samantha Richardson 8 months ago

    Oh no, I hope those bees weren’t exterminated, they were just looking for a ride to the nearest hive!

    Reply
  • Yanko David 8 months ago

    The spiritual mist ultimately cross because mattock worrisomely guarantee throughout a enormous avenue. hesitant, scary tuna

    Reply
  • Dylan Farstveet 8 months ago

    Imagine someone walks up to you and just says “can I see your parts list? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)”

    Reply
  • FesterWerks 8 months ago

    I’m going to miss these intimate shows.

    Reply
  • Four Lights Orchestra 8 months ago

    “I will briefly summarize the plot of Back to the Future II for you” is another great one not mentioned here. Hot.

    Reply
  • Jairo Prado 8 months ago

    Protect that AI at all costs!

    Reply
  • dont-want-no-wrench 8 months ago

    –frantically taking notes–

    Reply
  • sophia campos 8 months ago

    Yahoo answers got me thru college physics 🙁

    Reply
  • supersunshine22 8 months ago

    Those are terrible 🤣

    Reply
  • General JellyRoll 8 months ago

    1 bee is about 1/10 of a gram. 15,000 bees weighs about 1,500g or 3.3 pounds or just under half the weight of a milk jug.

    Reply
  • WakingRay 8 months ago

    Bet you replayed that vault landing

    Reply
  • Zach Rez 8 months ago

    What an intro! Next level! Chapeau Stephen.

    Reply
  • Diego O' Land 8 months ago

    I’m going to have to change my panties…because I peed myself laughing.

    Reply
  • Kim Miller 8 months ago

    Having listened to the AI pickup lines I think we’ve found where Stephen gets his Quarantinewhile intros from. 🙂

    Reply
  • Michel Swerissen 8 months ago

    Hi on bath salts……………………what brand?

    Reply
  • Tom Scott 8 months ago

    How did he count the bees? Also, where the hell is Evie during this bit?

    Reply
  • Nina Basescu 8 months ago

    So funny! Laughed so much!

    Reply
  • Ridwan Noer 8 months ago

    The intro is sooooooo amazing and there’s no sign of it stopping

    Reply
  • Maple Syrup 8 months ago

    Chuck Tingle needs to novelize most of these pickup lines.

    Reply
  • Steve 8 months ago

    This would have been so much better if your wife was there

    Reply
  • Couch Potato 8 months ago

    I think this might be the longest intro to Quentin-while ever. Prettysoon there won’t be enough time for the actual “whiles”. 😄

    Reply
  • Jason Ruffalo 8 months ago

    When I was a kid, the only AI pickup line we had was “All your base are belong to us.” We’ve come a long way since.

    Reply
  • Janice Carlson 8 months ago

    PF flyers makes you jump higher or so i heard

    Reply
  • C Joe 8 months ago

    I’m sure that guy is gonna bee more careful from now on

    Reply
  • lindsay jennifer 8 months ago

    much love

    Reply
  • Vivek Kumar 8 months ago

    Yaah Chau Bhai.

    Reply
  • Vivek Kumar 8 months ago

    Their Own Destruction

    Reply
  • Vivek Kumar 8 months ago

    Bus in logo ko hi pta hai. Humm.

    Reply
  • The Driver 8 months ago

    4:52 “It is urgent you become a professional athlete.” XD

    Reply
  • AriadnesPants 8 months ago

    This is very funny, as usual, but I would just like to say that I definitely skip his beginning monologue for this segment of the show because it goes on and on. And I don’t find it funny. 🙁 I’m sorry, Mr. Colbert, but I love your show all the same! <3

    Reply
  • chipmunktubetop 8 months ago

    I would have left my car with the title in the lot and gotten a Lyft home.

    Reply
  • TOLOSE9 8 months ago

    I was expecting “wanna reboot in failsafe mode?”

    Reply
  • Floating F 8 months ago

    NOT THE BEES!

    Reply
  • Doctor Discord 8 months ago

    Not gonna lie, “can I see your parts list?” could work depending on circumstances.

    Reply
  • Rex Mikes 8 months ago

    WHY is a rugboat?

    Reply
  • Dr. Mantis Toboggan 8 months ago

    The last time I used “Can I see your parts list?” at a bar, I got hit with a restraining order.

    Reply
  • betotrono 8 months ago

    Seriously though losing Yahoo Answers means losing Quality KenM trolling.

    Reply
  • Da Hai Zhu 8 months ago

    Why wasn’t your wife in these pickup lines?

    Reply
  • DVOYD 8 months ago

    “How is babby formed?” God, that takes me back. Such a classic.

    Reply
  • Ryan M 8 months ago

    Lol you’re on it tonight.

    Reply
  • Me 8 months ago

    “KIss my Astrazeneca” !!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  • Wake up Style 8 months ago

    Wow, those pick up line got me hot and bothered ☺️☺️☺️ too bad you are married 😅

    Reply
  • J. H. 8 months ago

    Goodness, that knife porn you started with. You had my attention at ‘carbon news steel.” Someone’s been watching ‘Forged in Fire.’

    Reply
  • Jamaal Curry 8 months ago

    Quarantine-while

    Reply
  • shiva 8 months ago

    Annoying romance 😆❤️😐

    Reply

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