Bill recaps the top stories of the week, including protests, looting, and President Trump’s bunker retreat.
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He did Make America Great Again, no one person has ever made America Fail this hard in 160 years, that is an accomplishment in of it self just not a positive one.
The only probing of asses will be conducted at Kevin Spacey’s Youth Wrestling Academy.
yes Bill leftist are thrashing about trying to create as much chaos as possible to hurt Trump thats what we expect them to do its not his problem its yours
Thank you bill you made my night
Easy fix. Vote Trump out in a landslide in November. It’s only 5 months away. He has no business being in the White House. Biden is nutty but Trump is criminally insane.
I guess this was written before Trump went on TV today and said George Floyd would be happy about the dip in unemployment numbers “Hopefully George is looking down right now and saying, ‘This is a great thing that’s happening for our country.’ It’s a great day for him, it’s a great day for everybody. It’s a great day for everybody. This is a great, great day.”
Target should, perhaps, reconsider the brand name…
The Audience ‘cut too’s’ are crackin me the fuc up Bill… nice work lmao
Career politicians harbor longterm grudges …. and will burn the world for a payback …
This may be the saddest monologue you’ve ever done. Get new writers.
A Letter of Thanks to President Trump for Making America Great Again
I am writing this message to congratulate and thank President Donald Trump for making America great again. As cities are burning up in protests related to killing of George Floyd, I can’t help but notice the refreshing difference you have made as a leader in your short 40 months in office. Unlike past presidents you have not hidden behind fake tears, expressions of sympathy or appeals for peace. Instead from Charlottesville to now you have always brought clarity and balance to the conversation by noting the great people on both sides or by pointing out who the thugs and terrorists are. It reminds me of how many other ways you have made America great again, and I want to thank you for it. America was not great when our citizens and government had faith in our intelligence and law enforcement agencies. You showed us how to cast doubt on the work of people who put their lives and families on the line to keep us safe from bad things coming our way as a country. You also showed us that for every fact there was an equally important and applicable “opinion”. In potential emergencies such as hurricane Dorian, you shared the wisdom of your opinion, expressed with a simple stroke of a sharpie, to keep Alabamans safe. Well done, sir. America was not great when it engaged with the world to create a new security order that kept communism in check, promoted democracy and human rights, and enabled a massive global expansion of prosperity for 75 years. You showed us how our so-called allies were milking us, and we needed to become more of a paid security contractor. Now other countries no longer laugh at us or mock us for how we behave. Truly grateful to you for making that happen. America was not great when it stood as a beacon of freedom and hope to oppressed people all over the world. You showed us how “asylum” seeking families and children who were running away from violence were only pretending to be in danger in order to steal our jobs and spread violence in the U.S. All statistics that showed immigrants have lower crime rates turned out to be “fake news”. You showed these thugs and thieves what they deserved by throwing them in cages. Well done Mr. President. America is finally great again. America was not great when it wasted time on diplomacy. Dialog and engagement are for weaklings. Great deals are made by force of the gun. Glad you tore up all those deals that illegitimate administrations of the past had made. Paris Agreement? Money stealing scheme to take away our right to spew carbon. When sea levels rise, we will just be able to build more walls to keep the water out from Florida. Our experience building a border wall will be much useful them. We never understood your genius and long-term vision.
‘Is America great enough for you yet….?’
“Take me with you, just get me the f**k outta here.”
Bill, brother… You shouldn’t smoke a dubee before doing the hair, before a show.
I miss the times Bill would make the audience groan with one of his edgier jokes and then he’d roll his eyes at them for being too precious. Can we please arrange for the fake audience to be offended by a joke at some stage.
Iran deal? Weak. Glad you tore it up and stopped Iran from resuming enrichment. Instead you led us to a better and safer world through a new and more personal approach – a “beautiful letter” diplomacy. North Korea now stands disarmed, no longer possessing any nuclear weapons. Further it is no longer torturing and starving its own people – thanks to your personal influence and charisma that made Kim Jong a great and strong leader. Japan and South Korea and all our other allies in the region thank you for your great leadership Mr. President. Countries all over the world now trust us more than ever before to make deals in the future because we will never stop striving to replace them with better ones. All this time we had been living under the illusion that presidency was a one-man role. It turns out that nepotism allegations and emoluments clauses were just silly excuses to limit the potential of great families to “be best”. You showed us that the so-called banana republics had it right all along. Your great family, most notably first daughter and son-in-law have tirelessly worked with you to permanently solve so many of our toughest problems. Before this we never thought it was possible to bring lasting peace in the middle east. Little did we know it could be made to happen so easily. We thank them both for the contributions they so selflessly made even though they were never given an official title to recognize their importance. America was fast becoming a bloated bureaucracy. You used your business acumen to cut through the layers of waste. We learnt that most roles could be filled by “acting” heads, without the pointless ritual of a congressional review and confirmation. Your impressive signature on executive orders will go down in history as a symbol of ruthless efficiency. You gave a new meaning to Friday night massacres, making firing of inspectors and whistleblowers a regularly occurring Friday night soap with limited viewership. Perhaps one of the only things you were associated with where you seem to prefer low ratings. You also showed how we need to stop wasting money on memberships that have outlived their utility. Why continue paying for the WHO when smallpox has been eradicated and polio no longer exists outside of a handful of shithole countries? The US economy has never previously been this great either. You have so diligently gone after every single piece of red tape that was holding our economy back. What use is clean water act when our rich elites can’t buy bigger yachts to enjoy our streams and rivers. You had the vision to tear up federal emissions and mileage standards to prevent oil market from tanking further. You personally helped the economy as well. Golf cart rentals and hotel bookings at your resorts also count towards national GDP, after all. No one has done more to help the economy in this regard than you have, Mr. President. We thank you. Most importantly Mr. President, you showed how great America truly is. You demonstrated through personal example how we are the only country in the world where literally anyone can be president if they are rich or white. If you are a celebrity, they let you do it. You don’t have to know History or Geography or Science, or English. You taught us that so-called experts are overrated, and they probably have hidden agendas anyway. You improved our vocabularies and those of our kids, bringing words like “horseface” into public consciousness. You showed us how a great leader connects directly with his people. Unlike previous lazy presidents, you never stopped holding rallies or tweeting how you felt at any moment or hearing directly from ordinary people though your favorite news channel. Whether they needed a government contract for something they had no experience in, or needed you to change a law or condemn someone, all they had to do was to go on Fox and ask you directly. You truly are a great leader sir, with the best ears. We happen to be mid-way through the exciting “season finale” of first term of your great presidency. As it started we wondered what it would bring. Was it going to be wasted on boring follow ups to your so-called impeachment? Or perhaps a hot war somewhere you could lead us into? The middle east appeared tantalizing for a while. Instead you brought us a new game of cat and mouse. How to stay in. When to step out. Who to listen to. What news or medical advice to ignore. That Chinese virus stood no chance against us, you said in March. How right you were. We wasted time and money preparing for something that never happened. You saved so much taxpayer money by not buying those useless ventilators and masks that paranoid governors kept asking for. News of a hundred thousand people dead from Covid-19 is obviously fake. Through it all you guided us with personal example. We learnt that wearing a mask will is sign of weakness. You never stopped thinking of scalable solutions using readily available everyday use low cost things like bleach and household cleaning agents. Too bad not enough people appreciated or followed your helpful suggestions. Perhaps demonstrating how to do it at a press conference would have helped. Regardless, we owe you a debt of gratitude for your stable leadership from the front through these troubled times. We are looking forward to your second term starting January 2021, Mr. President. There really is so much more to be excited about. Women still have these pesky rights to get abortions for fun in the name of freedom over their own bodies. Justice Ginsberg is holding on to that seat in the supreme court. Surely she can’t continue doing it for the entirety of your second term, we hope? Justice Pirro has worked so hard giving you sage advice, and certainly deserves that role. There are still world bodies to break up with – the remaining few that have the gall to tell us how to behave. China needs to be taught a lesson. Immigration laws need to be torn up or rewritten to permanently ban people coming in from shithole countries from coming in. We have so much more to sell Saudis, those cash paying buyers of our arms. Buildings to be sold to Qataris to get out of bad deals first son-in-law may have made. Great patriots like Sean Hannity and Alex Jones to be recognized with Freedom medals. Innocent men like Paul Manafort to be pardoned. American military, which you brought back from depletion, needs to test nuclear weapons sometime soon perhaps on a city this time to show others who is the boss with the biggest button that actually works. Let’s also erase that terrible, terrible thing called Obamacare from history and replace it with something much better and much cheaper. Thank you in advance for all the winning in the second season, Mr. President. We will try not to be tired of it. When former president Obama left you an Inauguration day letter in the tradition of outgoing presidents, he almost certainly stepped out of line to advise you on things he ostensibly knew nothing about. Ramblings of a community organizer about indispensable American leadership in this world, need to sustain the international order, being a guardian of democratic institutions and traditions like rule of law, separation of powers, equal protection and civil liberties that our forebears fought and bled for, etc. He implored you to leave instruments of our democracy at least as strong as you found them. Little did he realize or understand how your vision in each of these areas was far beyond the imaginations of any of us. You were on a path to make America great again, and all of this advice seemed, so, parochial. Now that you have made America healthier, stronger, most just, equal, prosperous and universally respected, in order words Great Again, we can only express our humble and eternal gratitude. Thank you, Mr. President Trump. P.s: I want to also thank the Republican congressmen who made the supreme sacrifice of suspending their beliefs, conscience and humanity to help make America great again.
He’s literally Archie Bunker.
America is getting Payback for all the Snuggies Donnie got as a young Budding Sociopath.
There’s not a lot of room left in his bunker after you open Stephen Miller’s tomb.
Republicans in Congress and their constituents don’t know that they act just like putin’s lackeys in russian so called parliament ,smh
Well said. Trump sure knows how to make America great! Just like he’s every stable genius! Well, the truth is that he’s an insanely stupid narcissist that’s also a pathological liar and a complete phoney.
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