Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Revised Resolutions (Web Exclusive)

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Published on January 3, 2016

John Oliver helps you revise the New Year’s resolutions you’ve already failed to keep.

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96 comments

  • thesmeck 2 years ago

    New Year resolutions aren’t that hard.
    I’ve kept them all for the last 10 years at least.

    1. do not commit genocide on a continental scale
    2. do no invent time travel to gut punch a T-Rex (although I’m close)
    3. survive another year to make the same New Years resolutions

    Reply
  • One Fifty Media House 2 years ago

    Feb 14 is an eternity from now!

    Reply
  • Royal Canadian Mapping 2 years ago

    Jan 3rd is my birthday :D

    Reply
  • Mercenary Pen 2 years ago

    My favourite new year’s resolution is this: To break my new year’s
    resolution. That way, if there are no other resolutions you create an
    infinite loop because by breaking the resolution you’re keeping it and by
    keeping it you’re breaking it.

    Reply
  • toast 2 years ago

    My New Years resolution is unfortunately 1280×1024

    Reply
  • MackAttack713 2 years ago

    Wait, if this is a web exclusive, and the show is on hiatus, why is there
    and audience?

    Reply
  • xxAnaconta 2 years ago

    C U R R E N T Y E A R
    U
    R
    R
    E
    N

    Reply
  • Gustavo Tavares 2 years ago

    Açaí is a brazilian fruit. I am from brazil and the right prononciation is
    “AH-SIGH-E”

    Reply
  • arbknight12 2 years ago

    February the 14th.
    The perfect end to a Valentines Day date

    Reply
  • Ebon Hawk 2 years ago

    if you want to be scientific about it, make your resolutions in early
    summer, rather than the dead of winter.
    something something winter cold hard cruel sad, and summer is not, chances
    of success increase.
    yes very scientific I know. I’m a fucking penguin what do you want.

    Reply
  • Ricky Wright 2 years ago

    Where does this studio audience come from!?

    Reply
  • GoldStorm07 2 years ago

    Can you do an episode on human trafficking? It’s largely an unknown problem
    in the US which is terrible considering how much of it happens in larger
    cities in our nation. It’s a problem I do not see a solution to despite
    long hours mulling over the problem.

    If you do consider this or even end up making the segment, I cannot thank
    you enough. This is one of the most critical problems in the modern world
    that had gone unsolved.

    Reply
  • David Wood 2 years ago

    Feb 14th? Ugh.

    Reply
  • Quinn Gardner 2 years ago

    Whew I couldn’t wait another month

    Reply
  • marie R 2 years ago

    February!! I can’t survive that long! At least on feb 14th I’ll have a
    reason to smile:) ps someone please please explain the ‘tail joke’ I didn’t
    get it

    Reply
  • TheKrensada 2 years ago

    It is pronounced Ah-Sigh-Eee

    Reply
  • TheGiantBunnysaid 2 years ago

    As a college student, I did in fact get something done for my new years
    resolution. I’ve upgraded my sleeping standards from a couch that I have to
    sleep sideways on because there simply isn’t enough room to lay flat, to a
    stow-away guest bed!

    Reply
  • Whatcha 2 years ago

    I love failing

    Reply
  • bane2 2 years ago

    IT’S THE CURRENT YEAR!

    Reply
  • 1234kalmar 2 years ago

    Uhm… I like this show and all… but these little videos released in the
    middle of hiatus… where do they get the clapping mass of people for
    these? Replay from record?

    Reply
  • Canadian Lebanese 2 years ago

    Four famous people I’d say hi to if ever saw:
    Jon Stewart
    Dave Chappelle
    John Oliver
    Angelina Jolie
    ❤️

    Reply
  • Daniel Castro 2 years ago

    açaí is awesome.

    Reply
  • Semper Paratus 2 years ago

    I can’t look into John Oliver’s eyes. It’s like he knows all my secrets.
    And he is judging me… Judging so harshly

    Reply
  • Michael Olsen (Henzington) 2 years ago

    My resolution was to stop making resolutions and still going strong.

    Reply
  • gracegracetotherescue 2 years ago

    My birthday present! :D

    Reply
  • Kristen Annear 2 years ago

    I was so excited to see a John Oliver video!!!

    Reply
  • Fgb Frm 2 years ago

    Does he get an audience just for these short vids, or are they sound
    effects? Always bugs me

    Reply
  • thomas lepper 2 years ago

    My New Years revaluation was to chug something

    Reply
  • thomas lepper 2 years ago

    And I made that revaluation in the last 5 seconds of 2015

    Reply
  • lesslighter 2 years ago

    I don’t have a new year’s resolution but if I do it would be to instigate a
    nuclear holocaust where you can launch more nukes than the current
    available global stockpile that way I really wont be disappointed when it
    doesnt happen cause if it does then all is good

    Reply
  • Soapy Foten 2 years ago

    cant fail your resolutions if you didn’t make any.

    Reply
  • the Joker 2 years ago

    I dont have any resolutions…

    Reply
  • zander1011011 2 years ago

    C U R R E N T Y E A R
    U
    R
    R
    E
    N
    T
    Y
    E
    A
    R

    Reply
  • RDJ 134 2 years ago

    I am still suprissed that they make Muppert so realistic as John Oliver.
    +1000 for the makers of this puppet.

    Reply
  • RDJ 134 2 years ago

    I am still suprissed that they make Muppets so realistic as John Oliver.
    +1000 for the makers of this puppet.

    Reply
  • Richard Greco 2 years ago

    February 14th? FEBRUARY 14TH!?! You have a god damn job John! Granted, it’s
    a once a week show so the concept of working is probably still foreign to
    you… but still. We want you back, man!

    Reply
  • Helen B 2 years ago

    so we’re getting you back on a St. V’s day – now that’s a present!

    Reply
  • the kid 2 years ago

    FUCK YOU JON OLIVIER

    Reply
  • Zach Attaqr 2 years ago

    I love you Jon Oliver

    Reply
  • Alex Guibord 2 years ago

    You got me! I totally bought a crockpot thinking I would start using it to
    cook healthy foods. I’m failing miserably!

    Reply
  • John Goundry 2 years ago

    Is it not ironic that Actors/Actresses that have won an *E* mmy a *G* rammy
    and an *O* scar do infact have massive EGO’s?

    Reply
  • Peter Borrell 2 years ago

    February 14th isnt soon enough John. Bill Mahr is off too, so Sunday is the
    shit they show on fox, you’re better then their entire line up combined.

    Reply
  • Blaine Mitchell 2 years ago

    My new year’s resolution is that John not go on hiatus again.

    Reply
  • NezihBouali 2 years ago

    He’s taught us A LOT. But this kind of humor just irritates me. I notice it
    when the video’s content is just jokes.

    Reply
  • jbear 2 years ago

    Kentucky DERby

    Reply
  • Azure Kite 2 years ago

    I know how to pronounce açaí, get on my level scrubs.

    Reply
  • Ida Amphy 2 years ago

    feb 18th is my birthday so ill wait to watch the next stuff till my birthday

    perfect way to spend my birthday
    watch an english silly person

    Reply
  • tehzoh 2 years ago

    Hope you get blown up by muslims John

    Reply
  • Rachel Denucci 2 years ago

    who else is brazilian and knows how to pronounce açaí? (it’s like “assaí”)

    Reply
  • 0mane0 2 years ago

    as a Brazilian, the joke about Açai made no sense at all hehe
    fyi, try pronouncing something like “ah! sah! ee!!!!” :)

    Reply
  • Karl Eickhoff 2 years ago

    Ah-sah-ee, John! Not that hard!

    Reply
  • TellTale Tech 2 years ago

    it’s pronounced esī (açaí)

    Reply
  • D Sanchez 2 years ago

    Is that. Laugh track?

    Reply
  • Rami Ungar 2 years ago

    Do a report on care facilities for those with mental conditions. Some of
    those places are truly abominable, but there’s very little regulation on
    them. That needs to change.

    Reply
  • 2liza011 2 years ago

    February 14……!? That’s too long Oliver.

    Reply
  • Diego De Souza 2 years ago

    if the *”C”* has a little snake under it, its pronounced *”SS”*, so the
    name of the fruit is, *”Assahee”*…. 😛

    there u go, a free Portuguese class for everybody…. xD

    Reply
  • Victor Jacomini Fonseca 2 years ago

    Açaí : Ass ay

    Reply
  • seth strauss 2 years ago

    2:50 why are you so mean to leo

    Reply
  • Panic Broadcast 2 years ago

    Is that canned laughter? It sure sounds like it.

    Reply
  • Andre Freitas 2 years ago

    the proper way to pronounce açai (if you speak english) would be something
    like this “ahssah ee” (put it on google translator an hit the speaker
    button). You’re welcome ;)

    Reply
  • PI98 2 years ago

    0:56 when he said “All hope is no lost” I laughed my ass off

    Reply
  • Mauro Tamm 2 years ago

    No resolutions, no failures.

    Reply
  • Anthony Flores 2 years ago

    Well that was great advice >.> thanks dad.

    Reply
  • Retro Power Up 2 years ago

    I’ve made zero resolutions! 100% success rate!

    Reply
  • negasilver63 2 years ago

    I’m suddenly so determined to win an EGOK

    Reply
  • Lucas de Abreu 2 years ago

    it’s pronounced ass-ah-EE

    Reply
  • Bob Barker 2 years ago

    Wait. Does he just get a whole audience in the studio just so he can film a
    3 minute web exclusive segment?

    Reply
  • LightMatter2525 2 years ago

    Ass I E

    Reply
  • Mátyás Endrey 2 years ago

    I know someone who certainly doesn’t give a fuck about her resolutions.

    Reply
  • Elmar A. Hannah 2 years ago

    I made a resolution once to stop eating candy and sugary drinks. That was
    last years resolution and I have now gone down from using XXL shirts to XL
    shirts. My waistline has gone from a 46 down to 38 and I can even fit one
    of my old rings, that used to only fit my pinky, on my actual ring finger.

    Reply
  • Azivegu 2 years ago

    well, I gave up on New Years Resolution to avoid the disappointment
    altogether and be a bit happier when other people fail and I get to tell
    them “I told you so.”

    I am a very cynical person. I should probably work on that…

    Reply
  • chaoticcranium 2 years ago

    I resolve to make a resolution next year. Then, I can make the same
    resolution next year, and perpetually win this little game.

    Reply
  • Ridnarhtim 2 years ago

    IT’S TWENTY-SIXTEEN RIGHT NOW!

    Reply
  • shadow genius 2 years ago

    My new years resolution is not to suck. Doing good so far.

    Reply
  • Mrchips469 2 years ago

    A ch-eye

    Reply
  • Lydia Garcia 2 years ago

    Who’s laughing at your jokes?

    Reply
  • oscargordon 2 years ago

    I resolve to drink less, but to use higher quality booze.

    Reply
  • allmyself666 2 years ago

    Acai
    a-sa-yE

    Reply
  • ZomBabeZoe's Channel 2 years ago

    I dont do resolutions

    Reply
  • DoinItRightTheFirstTime 2 years ago

    WE MISS YOU JOHN! GET BACK STAT, ASAP!

    Reply
  • MuffinHunterX 2 years ago

    I resolved not to make any resolutions.


    DAMMIT!

    Reply
  • it'sKate 2 years ago

    I thought he died… tbh.

    Reply
  • Frank Martin 2 years ago

    John Oliver, I mean COME ON IT’S 2016. Time for you to give up your post to
    a strong black lesbian woman. Come on people, after all IT’S THE CURRENT
    YEAR.

    Reply
  • Top 10 Counter 2 years ago

    Hey Johny good to have you back, next time give us some nice 4k resolution
    will ya. good tie choice BTW.

    Reply
  • ljmasternoob 2 years ago

    My New Year’s resolution was to throw up on New Year’s Day. Mission
    accomplished!

    Reply
  • Ismaiel Aden 2 years ago

    Thank God, John Oliver is back, he has a lot of catching up to do

    Reply
  • Fábio Pêgo 2 years ago

    ah-ssah-EE.

    Reply
  • Veinmetal 2 years ago

    my 2016 resolution is to win July’s heart.

    Reply
  • seanodotcom 2 years ago

    Yawn. A rare miss for John. But still excited for new episodes in 2016.

    Reply
  • Daniel Ambrose 2 years ago

    My New Year resolution is to have a laugh track always available so when I
    have a half witty joke, it will seem funny when play the canned laughter.

    Reply
  • Brett h 2 years ago

    didn’t secretariat win the EGOK?

    Reply
  • Bob Rogers 2 years ago

    This is the funniest most sarcastic dude ive come across on youtube.

    Reply
  • Telamond 2 years ago

    The T in EGOT matters!

    Reply
  • Iftheysayagame'sname They'llplaythatgame 2 years ago

    It put the lotion in the basket

    Reply
  • Frank Martin 2 years ago

    Defeatist cuck.

    Reply
  • Joe Murray 2 years ago

    I think this guy looks like a f**king rabbit

    Reply

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