New Year resolutions aren’t that hard.
I’ve kept them all for the last 10 years at least.

1. do not commit genocide on a continental scale
2. do no invent time travel to gut punch a T-Rex (although I’m close)
3. survive another year to make the same New Years resolutions

Feb 14 is an eternity from now!

Jan 3rd is my birthday :D

My favourite new year’s resolution is this: To break my new year’s
resolution. That way, if there are no other resolutions you create an
infinite loop because by breaking the resolution you’re keeping it and by
keeping it you’re breaking it.

My New Years resolution is unfortunately 1280×1024

Wait, if this is a web exclusive, and the show is on hiatus, why is there
and audience?

C U R R E N T Y E A R
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Açaí is a brazilian fruit. I am from brazil and the right prononciation is
“AH-SIGH-E”

February the 14th.
The perfect end to a Valentines Day date

if you want to be scientific about it, make your resolutions in early
summer, rather than the dead of winter.
something something winter cold hard cruel sad, and summer is not, chances
of success increase.
yes very scientific I know. I’m a fucking penguin what do you want.

Where does this studio audience come from!?

Can you do an episode on human trafficking? It’s largely an unknown problem
in the US which is terrible considering how much of it happens in larger
cities in our nation. It’s a problem I do not see a solution to despite
long hours mulling over the problem.

If you do consider this or even end up making the segment, I cannot thank
you enough. This is one of the most critical problems in the modern world
that had gone unsolved.

Feb 14th? Ugh.

Whew I couldn’t wait another month

February!! I can’t survive that long! At least on feb 14th I’ll have a
reason to smile:) ps someone please please explain the ‘tail joke’ I didn’t
get it

It is pronounced Ah-Sigh-Eee

As a college student, I did in fact get something done for my new years
resolution. I’ve upgraded my sleeping standards from a couch that I have to
sleep sideways on because there simply isn’t enough room to lay flat, to a
stow-away guest bed!

I love failing

IT’S THE CURRENT YEAR!

Uhm… I like this show and all… but these little videos released in the
middle of hiatus… where do they get the clapping mass of people for
these? Replay from record?

Four famous people I’d say hi to if ever saw:
Jon Stewart
Dave Chappelle
John Oliver
Angelina Jolie
❤️

açaí is awesome.

I can’t look into John Oliver’s eyes. It’s like he knows all my secrets.
And he is judging me… Judging so harshly

My resolution was to stop making resolutions and still going strong.

My birthday present! :D

I was so excited to see a John Oliver video!!!

Does he get an audience just for these short vids, or are they sound
effects? Always bugs me

My New Years revaluation was to chug something

And I made that revaluation in the last 5 seconds of 2015

I don’t have a new year’s resolution but if I do it would be to instigate a
nuclear holocaust where you can launch more nukes than the current
available global stockpile that way I really wont be disappointed when it
doesnt happen cause if it does then all is good

cant fail your resolutions if you didn’t make any.

I dont have any resolutions…

C U R R E N T Y E A R
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I am still suprissed that they make Muppert so realistic as John Oliver.
+1000 for the makers of this puppet.

I am still suprissed that they make Muppets so realistic as John Oliver.
+1000 for the makers of this puppet.

February 14th? FEBRUARY 14TH!?! You have a god damn job John! Granted, it’s
a once a week show so the concept of working is probably still foreign to
you… but still. We want you back, man!

so we’re getting you back on a St. V’s day – now that’s a present!

FUCK YOU JON OLIVIER

I love you Jon Oliver

You got me! I totally bought a crockpot thinking I would start using it to
cook healthy foods. I’m failing miserably!

Is it not ironic that Actors/Actresses that have won an *E* mmy a *G* rammy
and an *O* scar do infact have massive EGO’s?

February 14th isnt soon enough John. Bill Mahr is off too, so Sunday is the
shit they show on fox, you’re better then their entire line up combined.

My new year’s resolution is that John not go on hiatus again.

He’s taught us A LOT. But this kind of humor just irritates me. I notice it
when the video’s content is just jokes.

Kentucky DERby

I know how to pronounce açaí, get on my level scrubs.

feb 18th is my birthday so ill wait to watch the next stuff till my birthday

perfect way to spend my birthday
watch an english silly person

Hope you get blown up by muslims John

who else is brazilian and knows how to pronounce açaí? (it’s like “assaí”)

as a Brazilian, the joke about Açai made no sense at all hehe
fyi, try pronouncing something like “ah! sah! ee!!!!” :)

Ah-sah-ee, John! Not that hard!

it’s pronounced esī (açaí)

Is that. Laugh track?

Do a report on care facilities for those with mental conditions. Some of
those places are truly abominable, but there’s very little regulation on
them. That needs to change.

February 14……!? That’s too long Oliver.

if the *”C”* has a little snake under it, its pronounced *”SS”*, so the
name of the fruit is, *”Assahee”*…. 😛

there u go, a free Portuguese class for everybody…. xD

Açaí : Ass ay

2:50 why are you so mean to leo

Is that canned laughter? It sure sounds like it.

the proper way to pronounce açai (if you speak english) would be something
like this “ahssah ee” (put it on google translator an hit the speaker
button). You’re welcome ;)

0:56 when he said “All hope is no lost” I laughed my ass off

No resolutions, no failures.

Well that was great advice >.> thanks dad.

I’ve made zero resolutions! 100% success rate!

I’m suddenly so determined to win an EGOK

it’s pronounced ass-ah-EE

Wait. Does he just get a whole audience in the studio just so he can film a
3 minute web exclusive segment?

Ass I E

I know someone who certainly doesn’t give a fuck about her resolutions.

I made a resolution once to stop eating candy and sugary drinks. That was
last years resolution and I have now gone down from using XXL shirts to XL
shirts. My waistline has gone from a 46 down to 38 and I can even fit one
of my old rings, that used to only fit my pinky, on my actual ring finger.

well, I gave up on New Years Resolution to avoid the disappointment
altogether and be a bit happier when other people fail and I get to tell
them “I told you so.”

I am a very cynical person. I should probably work on that…

I resolve to make a resolution next year. Then, I can make the same
resolution next year, and perpetually win this little game.

IT’S TWENTY-SIXTEEN RIGHT NOW!

My new years resolution is not to suck. Doing good so far.

A ch-eye

Who’s laughing at your jokes?

I resolve to drink less, but to use higher quality booze.

Acai
a-sa-yE

I dont do resolutions

WE MISS YOU JOHN! GET BACK STAT, ASAP!

I resolved not to make any resolutions.
…
…
DAMMIT!

I thought he died… tbh.

John Oliver, I mean COME ON IT’S 2016. Time for you to give up your post to
a strong black lesbian woman. Come on people, after all IT’S THE CURRENT
YEAR.

Hey Johny good to have you back, next time give us some nice 4k resolution
will ya. good tie choice BTW.

My New Year’s resolution was to throw up on New Year’s Day. Mission
accomplished!

Thank God, John Oliver is back, he has a lot of catching up to do

ah-ssah-EE.

my 2016 resolution is to win July’s heart.

Yawn. A rare miss for John. But still excited for new episodes in 2016.

My New Year resolution is to have a laugh track always available so when I
have a half witty joke, it will seem funny when play the canned laughter.

didn’t secretariat win the EGOK?

This is the funniest most sarcastic dude ive come across on youtube.

The T in EGOT matters!

It put the lotion in the basket

Defeatist cuck.

I think this guy looks like a f**king rabbit