Emily Mortimer Got Rid Of A Boyfriend’s Mustache

Published on December 6, 2018

When ‘Mary Poppins Returns’ star Emily Mortimer wasn’t a fan of her boyfriend’s mustache, she waited until he fell asleep and took matters into her own hands.

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  • A Wee Scots Dog 2 years ago

    Trump has a boyfriend with a moustache….

    Trumpenstein’s Monster (aka The Making of John Bolton)

    He worked through the day and the night
    To find the man who would be right
    For National Security
    He needed complete surety
    But alas there was no-one in sight

    Then he thought “wait, I know construction!
    And with some spare parts (and abduction)
    I’ll make one who distracts
    With illegal war acts
    So I can be cleared of obstruction”

    His creation (a Bolton) his neck
    Was secured to keep his head in check
    Then with buckles and belts
    Binding old human pelts
    The creature sat up and said “Heck!”

    But Trump soothed the beast saying “don’t fret
    I have not finished with you quite yet
    Although some bits are missing
    (Like the part that’s for pissing)
    Look I’ve got one right here, though it’s wet”

    So then Trumpenstein quickly started to fashion
    A system of pulleys to help him to lash on
    The assembly stage by stage
    Strapping on the appendage
    Saying “It will help first to get this moustache on

    For it will give me somewhere to grip
    While I ram this thing into your hip”
    Then Bolton said “to adhere
    You can grab onto each ear
    I can bear it, I’ll just bite my lip”

    Then with surgical keyhole precision
    Trumpenstein made his final incision
    And as he entered the beast
    Then came with passion released
    His shuddering climactic decision

    For Bolton, he was surely the man
    Who would do everything that he can
    To keep Trump satisfied
    With him deeply inside
    Consummately fulfilling his plan

    Thanks again to Double Don Tinder (of Double Don Tinder’s Double Entendres) for supplying the double entendres.


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