A School District’s Defense: Mini Baseball Bats

Published on April 14, 2018

Mini bats to fend off assailants: an idea so crazy that it just might definitely not work. While it’s important to shine a new approaches to preventing guns in schools, it can be equally educational to shed a light on techniques that definitely won’t work.

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  • Ray Banner 3 years ago

    While we’re at it, why not equip the teachers with slingshots? That’ll scare the shooter’s away.

  • Alan Arun Mavath 3 years ago

    Let’s take a moment for the people who are going to get hurt because the assailant had paper

  • Kim Jong Fun 3 years ago

    Every American school should have a Donald Trump clone to protect them, he can take on any mass shooter with his bare tiny hands.

  • SomeGuyNamedKeith 3 years ago

    “Into this school you will not be, unless thy answer me riddles three!” I guess no one is getting in then. That’s how good security is! Lol

  • KingOfMadCows 3 years ago

    I think they misunderstood the suggestion to have Batman protect schools.

  • ernesto garcia 3 years ago

    Ever hear the saying about bring a knife to a gun fight, well a bat is even worse.

  • pouting monkey 3 years ago

    The only solution here is gun control.

  • Viet Nguyen 3 years ago

    Those two schools should team up for sports – baseball rocks, or baserocks?

  • Noah Mesdag 3 years ago

    Those bats barely look big enough in the hands of Trump!!

  • Michael Williams 3 years ago

    nice Riddles in the Dark reference snuck in there

  • jessec103 3 years ago

    I like John, but Stephen really needs a better sidekick.

  • alearnedman 3 years ago

    Stephen sneaks in another Tolkien reference.

  • Jim Naylor 3 years ago

    They armed kids in Pennsylvania with a bucket of rocks? They have rocks in their head. Hope the kids take them home as ‘pet rocks’. They can show their grandchildren how their school district protected them from shooters back in 2018.

  • Helen Wang 3 years ago

    …wow, just…wow.

  • TheVideoGamingChannel 3 years ago


  • Sven Tempest 3 years ago

    I’d like to think the districts that suggested the mini-bats and the bucket of rocks were making a point. You know, _”look how stupid these ideas are, gun control* is the only real solution.”_ Sadly I fear that is giving too much credit…

    *Control is the key word here. So stop with the impotent rage fueled reply, Mr. DudeWithGunsAndAVeryBigDick69, nobody wants to steal your manhood. They just want to put some reasonable restrictions on it, because it’s so big and powerful.

  • Marc Wittkowski 3 years ago

    That was not a baboon, but a mandrill.

  • Mr. Queasy 3 years ago

    America on the military: only the best will do! No spending cuts!
    American schools: idk throw arock at him, hit em with the Fisher Price bat we gave you.

  • John Ishmael 3 years ago

    You know when your countries a failure at basic education, security and over all logic when you have to arm your teachers… And whats worst is with freaking baseball bats! And whats extra worst is that these bats are freaking small!! What the actual fuck America!? Even 3rd world countries dont resort to this batshit insane ideas.

    Just go with the freaking gun control already cuz if you think your country is gonna martial law the shit out of your rights? A gun cant shoot down a fucking UCAV thats gonna hellfire missile the shit out of your families cuz basically, thats what the US’s underhanded tactics are these days.

    I call unmanned drones “robots controled by pussies holding joysticks like their dicks”.


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